If It All Fell To Pieces

The year was 1984, and I was on assignment to Kuwait. It was the first overseas trip I made while employed by Raytheon.

The mail system in Kuwait was one of the better ones in the Middle East. Susan and I exchanged letters almost on a daily basis.

There was one letter from Susan that I will never forget, for in the letter she wrote:

“You can spend all your time making money,
You can spend all your love making time,
If it all fell to pieces tomorrow,
Would you still be mine?”

I know that most people recognize the lyrics from the Eagles’ song, “Take It To The Limit”.

During that particular time in our life together, there was certainly no guarantee that career, job, finances would not all fall to pieces. But knowing that this could happen, my answer then was the same as it would be today. Would I still be hers? No question about it, Yes I would. The longer Susan and I were together, the stronger our love.

In so many relationships today, when trials and tribulations arise, the individuals seem to forget that love, true love, will always see you over the hurdles. It is heartbreaking to see relationships fall apart at the first sign of adversity.

Things were not always smooth for Susan and myself, but through love and faith, we smoothed the bumps.

The advise I would give if anyone asked for it, would be to first examine your heart, for this is where love is. Love, faith, and prayer will see you through the hard times.

Ernie

In Memory Of Susan

Susan was not only an influence to the community of Burkett, but along with her job at the Coleman Housing Authority, she was the treasurer for the Burkett Volunteer Fire Department. Needless to say, Susan not only approached the duties of treasurer with the same enthusiasm as she did life, but being an officer she was instrumental in helping organize the fund raisers and along with a couple of other ladies, worked tirelessly to ensure that events ran smoothly. Everyone in the Burkett VFD held Susan in the highest regard.

To honor Susan, The Burkett Volunteer Fire Department is dedicating the department’s newest truck to her. The truck is a 5-ton, military vehicle that is being fitted out as a brush truck. The truck will have the latest equipment, and will carry 1200 gallons of water. The 5-ton will provide the fire department with a versatile truck that can be used in smooth or rough terrain.

The truck will have “In Memory Of Susan” along with ribbons of stars and stripes and a pink one denoting our fight against cancer.

I will do my best to include a picture of the truck when it is completely fitted out. Hopefully by then I will learn how to insert pictures into the posts.

Susan will never be forgotten by those in the community of Burkett, and the members of the Burkett Volunteer Fire Department. Susan is, and will continue to loved by those who had the opportunity to know her.

Ernie

Thank You

I wish to thank all that commented on the “Beloved Susan” post. The comments were greatly appreciated. I knew that Susan reached a lot of people through the blog, but I had no idea how far reaching it was.

I apologize for not posting earlier, but please forgive me. It is still difficult for me to sit down and put my thoughts into to the post. I find it almost impossible to type through the tears. But, life on the bayou goes on.

Susan was a beautiful person, and her faith was reflected in everything she did. She always had a ready smile and kind word for all. I don’t know if you are familiar with the song “What faith Can Do” by a group called Kutless. They have a video of the song on You Tube. I don’t know how to put a link to it. But it is a beautiful song, and shows just what can be accomplished by one’s faith.

Our daughter Stacie put together a collage (I pray that I’m calling it by the right term) of pictures with Susan in them. (if I learn how to embed pictures in the post, I’ll post a picture of it.) Also with the photos there is a poem that Stacie placed in the middle. Stacie did a beautiful job on it. I’d like to share the poem with you.

God Took Her To His Loving Home

God saw her getting tired, a cure was not to be.
He wrapped her in his loving arms and whispered ‘Come with me.’
She suffered much in silence, her spirit did not bend.
She faced her pain with courage, until the very end.
She tried so hard to stay with us, but her fight was not in vain.
God took her to his loving home, and freed her from her pain.

Susan touched so many individuals in her life. She touched me thirty six years ago, and I thank the Good Lord that she did. She still touches me today. She is, and will be always, in my heart.

Ernie

Beloved Susan

was called by the Lord on Memorial Day, May 26th. Susan passed away surrounded by loved ones. Our loss here on Earth is certainly heaven’s gain.

I’m her husband Ernie. I have wrestled with my feelings about posting to the blog, but feel that I owe it to those who follow her blog.  I know so many out there read her blog, as I did.  

We held a memorial service for Susan Saturday, June 15, here at the community center in Burkett. It was incredible the number of individuals who attended. There was standing room only.  She loved Burkett, and that community center.

Our beautiful Granddaughter had asked to read something she had written concerning Susan’s passing.   I would like to share this with you as it so appropriate.

For Grandma Susan,

I miss my Grandma Susan.

Sometimes remembering can be the most painful part of death. We want to remember what someone meant to us without the influence of the looming dread we felt over the inevitability of their death coloring our memory. We want to forget the pain and suffering we witnessed and felt too, ourselves, and piece by piece we block out what hurts the most and paint over the bad while the good heals us.

One of Grandma Susan’s favorite saying was “This too shall pass,” and the phrase did not fail to make its way to my ears only weeks before she herself passed away. It’s a painful memory that I will carry with me always, and something that I sometimes wish hadn’t been said because wrestling between hopefulness and reality isn’t easy, but her words rang with the truth.

This too shall pass.

We know Grandma Susan was not alone because she took a piece of all of us when she left, but one day we will be whole again.

Her time came not because she was weak, but because she’d been strong for too long.

Her strength, her spirit, and her memory will live on through us, and the lessons we learned from her are the very same that I hope to pass on myself someday.

This too shall pass,

and one day we will be strong again.
Emylee

With the passage of time the pain will diminish, the love never will.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

As Emylee said it so well—“This too will pass”
Ernie

Do you know how boring it is….

to be in a hospital bed and unable to do anything?

Had this horrible nagging cough since the last bout of radiation.    Kept getting worse, so Sunday night saw us in the ER in Abilene.   Seems I found me a nasty case of pneumonia.   They’ve got me on high powered antibiotics and breathing treatments.  Looks like I’ll probably be here at least another 2-5 days while they try to clear it up and run more tests.

It’s the pits to not be able to breathe.   If I get up to move around the room,  it almost brings me to my knees as my legs get  weak and I’m fighting for oxygen.

Stacie came in Sunday night and is staying with the herd.  Ernie is running back and forth between home and the hospital.  And me,  I’m just sucking on the oxygen, picking through bad hospital food, and praying for relief.

On a positive note….remember the chemo problem…well,  the Dr’s office appealed their decision and the meds have been approved.   Should have them tomorrow.   Cannot start them till the current issues are cleared up, but at least,  we’ll have them available as soon as I’m cleared to start taking them.

Time to lay back down.

Susan ~ Patchkat

 

They grow up so quickly!

10309203_851642104851074_8264692689950069945_nHow did this young lady grow so fast?   I remember when she was TINY!!!

Congrats Allie Kat on all your sports medicine training and that new job.   Keep up the good work!

Love you muchly,  G’ma

 

 

 

Susan ~ Patchkat

Insurance battles continue :-(

The oncologist issued a prescription almost 3 weeks ago for a new cancer treatment….which my current insurance provider has denied.    I will never understand why we have given our insurance companies and our government this kind of control over our health and lives.

You have a patient with known, proven cancer running wild….and a drug that could possible halt that progression at the very least.   And yet,  some desk bound twirp with a pencil gets to review the case for the insurance company…and says…patient doesn’t need to be treated with this drug…and denies the claim.   Wouldn’t one think that the oncologist would have a better idea of what drugs might possibly work to provide a better quality of life?   Maybe to halt the progression and buy more time?

I am so disgusted with the whole medical field….there has to be a better way.    Granted,  I’m the patient at the end of the road on the denial…and I understand the medication is going to run about $10,000 per month and the insurance company doesn’t want to pay up….

Within 2 weeks,  I will go on Medicare with a new Part D (prescription program).    We get to start the process all over with a whole different insurance group…who knows where that’s going to lead.  Please keep us in prayer.

I hear about socialized medicine, but after talking to international friends,  I’m not sure that’s the best option available either.   They cannot get the level of treatment, some of the newer testing and medications aren’t even available for them.   When we were talking about Gamma Knife surgery,  that wasn’t even an option for the friend with brain cancer.   What a horrible shame that we cannot have a level playing field and share techniques, new treatments, drugs, and advancements in the medical field across international borders.  How many lives could ultimately be saved?  Maybe that’s the problem.   They would just as soon those of us with terminal diseases just curl up and die so they don’t have to treat us…save that money,  to hell with saving lives.

Anyhow,   I’m on a rant today.  Just totally hacked over insurance doings.

Susan ~ Patchkat